It is comforting (i.e. maddening) how so many fundamental aspects and dynamics of our family unit will not, or cannot, change.
For example:
Within just a few moments of getting home I made a joke about Hal's wardrobe. This made him start to pout.
To patch things up, I commented on the land bridge of hair between the rear portion of his scalp and his back. I likened it to a hairy version of the Bering Strait during the Ice Age. He didn't find this funny. He never did laugh at my jokes about the North American migration of Asian tribes.
During day two, the four of us piled into a car meant for either 1.5 people without legs, or three dozen clowns, and we did touristy things in Seattle like eat several dozen mini donuts--you know, the kind of things the Travel Channel always talks about when they do a feature on the Emerald City.
Jake and I went about our normal business, e.g. asking bums if they have change for a 20, and naming the seagulls and then cursing at them. Due to a lack of time, he and I were unable to carry out task #3: Approach strangers and then demand personal information from them while speaking in Russian accents.
There's always next time.
The Beast was in typical form as well. Trying to raise Jake and I was a lot like attempting to humanize a pair of blenders set to full blast and sans lids. To this day, whenever she leaves the house for more than four hours she, out of habit, calls the neighbors to check to make sure Jake hasn't been shoved back inside the dishwasher, or to simply double check whether or not any of those sirens or helicopters were headed toward our backyard.
Very rarely were her concerns justified. Rather than inflict outrageous physical violence or start petty fist fights, I would focus on other things, like convincing Jake he was adopted or informing him that his favorite stuffed animal secretly hated him. Typical stuff.
Regardless of what I had done, it usually resulted in me being sent to my room and Jake having free reign of the house. That meant time devoted to practicing some kind of interpretive dance or writing songs on the piano about the family dog.
Most enlightening of all was talking about plans for Christmas. Although I may have a full blown career, I can't help but find myself thinking about holiday gift giving the same way I did 20 years ago: Signing a card from RiteAid and wrapping something for my dad and Jake which The Beast bought several months earlier.
Ahh, the memories.
The Beast and me during the vacay, at Alki Point.
1 comment:
For those interested, Discovery Channel is actually airing a special on the aforementioned "Harold Hawken Hairy Land Bridge". The program will contain breathtaking footage of the back of Hal's neck and the diverse ecosystem growing there. As there may be a few shots down the subject's back, we recommend you usher the younger children out of the room for some of the more graphic sequences. Check back for the exact date and time it will run so you can set the TIVO.
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