Survivor: Hal

Survivor 2007

Personal Information

• First Name: Hal
• Last Name: (i refer you to the last question)
  
• Nicknames (if any): Triple H, Coach Hawk, Chumley, Scumpy
  
• Age: old enough to have bigger quads than you do
  
• Height: 6'2"
• Weight: light enough that my bum knees don't go out
  
• What is your occupation? informations technology football coach
  
• Please describe your day-to-day at work in 2 sentences: I hate my job. I hate my coworkers.
  
• Marital Status: sedentary
  
• Names of children: oh come, on, do i still have to remember that after they move out? i think one of them is Herman, or something.
  

Contestants will be selected based upon having the following traits:

• Strong-willed: you're damn right, and there's nothing you can do about it.
  
• Outgoing: i regularly strike up conversations with strangers in public places, often while out for dinner with my family. sometimes they're drunk and pay for our dinner for us.
  
• Adventurous: Star Trek Voyager and a bowl of cauliflower gets my heart pumping
  
• Physically and mentally adept: you bet. i wouldn't be a informations whatsamacallit if i wasn't!
  
• Adaptable to new environments: i'll be honest, i'm not even sure where i am at the present moment
  
• Interesting lifestyles, backgrounds and personalities: bicycles are neat!
  

What is your level of education and what school(s) did you attend? i coach football at a school. it's a big gray school with a roof!

Name three of your favorite hobbies.
1) writing email newsletters
2) waking up at 3am and riding my ludicrously expensive bike in the rain and hanging up my stinky bike shorts in the pantry
3) blaming my farts on my family

Have you been treated for any serious physical or mental illness(es) within the last three years?
well, i had 70% of my kneecap removed... for the second time.

List three adjectives that best describe yourself:
1) Prickly
2) Furry
3) Belch-prone

If you could hold any political office, what would it be and why? National Grumpiness Advisor and chair of International Passive-Agressive Complaints.

What is the accomplishment you are most proud of? some ungodly bike trip.

Do you have pets? If so, please list their name and type: I used to have a pet rock, back in the 70's. his name was skippy.

Are you a vegetarian or do you eat meat? meat costs too much. if you're buying though, yeah, i'll eat anything that bleeds.

What is your favorite TV Show? I tell everyone that it's Planet Earth, but really it's all of the episodes of Star Trek Voyager that involve close-ups of the blond in the Lycra jumpsuit.

What is your favorite movie? Back to the Future, and Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure

What is your favorite music to listen to? conservative talk radio

How much Survivor have you seen? what?

Which Survivor contestants do you most relate to? what are you talking about?

Who would you choose for your loved ones visit? Rush Limbaugh

Describe your perfect day: up at 2am and nothing but yard work and uphill bike rides until 11 at night

What magazines do you read? The Fascist Weekly, and Live-in-Fear-of-Conspiracies Quarterly

To which other reality shows or dating shows, if any, have you applied? How far did you get in the application process? reality what?

Do you belong to any affiliations or organizations? NRA, AARP, VFW, and POOP

Do you have any body art (piercing, tattoo, etc. )? i once had a "kick me" sign taped to my back

What is your favorite sport? i coach football

Who is your hero and why? Statler and Waldorf

List three non-survival-related items you would take with you to the remote location, if allowed, and why. my bike, a pair of holey green sweats, a bottle of watered-down ranch dressing

What would be the craziest, wildest thing you would do for a million dollars? jog

What would you NOT do for a million dollars? run

What is your favorite topic of conversation at a dinner party? What topics are off limits? the Hormel Corporation's conspiracy to usurp American sovereignty

What skills do you bring to Survior that would make you a useful member of the group? I can dig a mean hole.

If you were stranded, who would you most want to be stranded with? the Borg lady from Star Trek

What was the last outdoor experience that you had? When was it? I was out digging a hole in the back yard and couldn't get out of the hole. The Beast didn't notice until my next paycheck didn't come.

What sports do you do regularly? i coach football

What is your swimming ability? i am an 8-year-old magnet whenever i get in a pool, so i avoid the water

Why do you believe that you could be the final Survivor? i'm only gonna ask this one more time. what are you talking about?!