Survivor 2007
Personal Information
- Strong-willed: I have a stronger will than anyone else I know. Have you met the two kids I had to raise? But if you expect me to put up with a bunch of other people's ignorant crap, I'd just as soon go do some craft projects and watch Law & Order.
- Outgoing: I'm more pleasant and affable than most idiots or buffoons I know.
- Adventurous: Does this mean leaving the house? That's not really my thing...
- Physically and mentally adept: Ha! Who do you think you're dealing with! I'm incredibly smrat!
- Adaptable to new environments: If this is some question about if I saw that Al Gore movie, the answer has two parts: "No" and "He sucks."
- Interesting lifestyles, backgrounds and personalities: I was once hit by a car while playing tetherball in my backyard. True story. I also collect chickens. I haven't eaten a meal that wasn't cooked in the microwave since the Reagan administration. That includes Thanksgiving.
What is your level of education and what school(s) did you attend? I've seen enough of your show's "contestants" and "winners" to know that you do not screen people based on their scholastic aptitude, so why even ask?
Name three of your favorite hobbies.
1) Sending e-mail forwards.
2) Losing my cell phone.
3) Is sleeping until 11 a.m. a hobby?
Have you been treated for any serious physical or mental illness(es) within the last three years? Yes, my foot had to be surgically removed from the [bleep] of some person who kept asking stupid questions.
List three adjectives that best describe yourself:
1) Intuitive
2) Interesting
3) Chocolate chip cookies
If you could hold any political office, what would it be and why? I would be President of the World and outlaw people who don't like Dancing with the Stars. And terrorists.
What is the accomplishment you are most proud of? I showered every single day in May 2005.
Do you have pets? If so, please list their name and type: Would you like to hear more about Anna? How much time do you have?
Are you a vegetarian or do you eat meat? What do I look like, some Marxist, commune-living fruitball?
What is your favorite TV Show? HAVE YOU HEARD OF DANCING WITH THE STARS??? YOU BETTER HOPE I NEVER GET ELECTED PRESIDENT OF THE WORLD! NEXT QUESTION!
What is your favorite movie? I bought my last DVD in 2001.
What is your favorite music to listen to? If it doesn't involve Michael Medved, I'm not interested.
How much Survivor have you seen? I don't watch this crap.
Which Survivor contestants do you most relate to? The ugly one covered with mud.
Who would you choose for your loved ones visit? I'd rather Michael Buble visited. He's yummy.
Describe your perfect day: Several copies of Readers Digest (the joke sections), a marathon of ER reruns, and a strip mall full of craft stores.
What magazines do you read? I'm more of a "look at the pictures" type.
To which other reality shows or dating shows, if any, have you applied? How far did you get in the application process? I was on Love Connection. You may remember the episode; I punched Chuck Woolery in the face. I've known three-year-old girls who could take fist to the teeth better than him.
Do you belong to any affiliations or organizations? Well, you may have heard of a certain grass roots effort to elect me President of the World...
Do you have any body art (piercing, tattoo, etc. )? Do moles count?
What is your favorite sport? Does the combination of reclining chairs and TiVo count as a sport?
Who is your hero and why? That one guy who had that movie made with that weird music and the junk all over stuff and that really inspiring part of the thing.
List three non-survival-related items you would take with you to the remote location, if allowed, and why. The inserts for my shoes, a house, microwave popcorn.
What would be the craziest, wildest thing you would do for a million dollars? Wake up at 8 a.m.
What would you NOT do for a million dollars? Wake up at 7 a.m.
What is your favorite topic of conversation at a dinner party? What topics are off limits? I like to talk about anything that involves eBay, craigslist or watching Hal do yardwork.
What skills do you bring to Survior that would make you a useful member of the group? I'll probably be the only person who isn't incapactitated by how much they suck.
If you were stranded, who would you most want to be stranded with? David Hasselhoff's chest.
What was the last outdoor experience that you had? When was it? I slept at a Motel 6 in Spokane in 1987.
What sports do you do regularly? I hear my oldest son complain about the Seattle Mariners a lot. I consider that a sport.
What is your swimming ability? I'm aware the sport exists.
Why do you believe that you could be the final Survivor? Hold on, I have take the curlers out of my hair. The Beast for Prez in '08!
2 comments:
To the "height" question, i think we should amend it to say 5'7" and falling
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